Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Prolific I am NOT, Belly Belly Belize Account Bursting and MEN

Prolific I am NOT
Well, I tried to have some goals about writing, but unfortunately I am not abiding by my rules. Part of the problem is that I am busy setting up the business and going to the Self-Employment course. The other part of the problem is the glowy box in the corner.

I am busy, but when I get home to my parent's house I watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune with my parents. I only watch it here. I have NEVER watched it on my own. But it is fun watching it with Mom and Dad. And then you get sucked in. Staying on the couch is much more appealing after sitting there for awhile...

Belly Belly Belize Account Bursting
I have mentioned before that I have a lot of weight to lose. Well, the Belly Belly Belize account is now a respectable $411. I hope I can keep affording to pay myself. Otherwise, that's another debt I'm incurring.

As for the Frugalista account, well, it's almost all gone. Sigh. But the Frugalista 2.0 account is getting healthy. So far I have saved $717.26. Hopefully I won't have to dip into that at all. But when starting up a business, who knows?

My little crush on IdealistGuy is over with. Thankfully. He's nice but I don't think I could live up to his standards. He expects a lot of people. And that's great, but it also darkens the rose-coloured glasses into a burgundy. So no more crush.

As for HomeTownGuy, well I am a walking, driving and sometimes sitting contradiction. I think about him, but I don't want to think about him. Well, until I indulge myself and let myself think about him.

I saw him working (he's a labourer outside and works for MediumSizedTown) yesterday morning. My heart sped up in anticipation as I knew I had to drive by him. But I pretended not to see him. Sophmoric? Well, yes, but it was also a measure of self-protection.

You see, if I let myself watch him, one of two things would have happenned. 1) I would have waited for him to see me, and if he didn't I would have been disappointed. 2) Same scenario as number 1, but he would have seen me and waved. Then I would be hooped. Getting him out of my head after that would require a lobotomy.

I have an obsessive nature. Not in a bunny-boiler/Glen Close/Fatal Attraction sort of way, but dangerous to myself. I fixate. My brain cycles, it's sort of like a CD on repeat play. And it's strange.

Like I said, when I'm not in MediumSizedTown, I don't think of him at all. It's like his brain waves activate mine. I KNOW that doesn't actually happen, but there's something in my makeup that makes my thought patterns work this way.

The answer to all this? Well, I am against getting a lobotomy. So I just have to stop indulging myself.

The strange thing is, I don't even really don't like him anymore. Not in that way. He's just a habit. Well I kicked smoking about 5 years ago, so I can kick him (but not to the kerb, that's just cruel :)).

I think celibacy is rotting my brain.....

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Clinic and Other Odds and Sods

As I've stated before, I am taking a self-employment course. I have also found a premises to operate from.

So, as time has passed, there is more and more work piling up on the self-employment course, and in addition to that I have more and more work to get the clinic up and running. So I am working virtually non-stop.

I say virtually because I had a month off - well closer to three weeks off before I started the course. Before I moved from Medicine Hat to MediumSizedTown, I was working three jobs and usually 60-80 hours of work per week.

So compared to now, I'm only working about 55-60 hours a week. So less than I was before. But I got spoiled during my time off. I am used to a slower lifestyle now.

In regards to writing I have not kept it up. I am hoping that once I open the clinic I will have more time; at least initially before I build up a clientelle. Then I can work on my novel.

I am going to my writing groups so I have some accountability and I also learn things from them.

As for the Belly Belly Belize account, I currently have $321.00. So at least that is a small amount that I have towards my trip to Belize next May or June. Since I am paying myself $15/lb, you can figure out how much I have lost so far! :)

As for my Frugalista account, well, it's dwindling. I have about $1500 left. And that will probably all go to opening costs of my clinic. So the Frugalista account has become the Shareholder account that I transfer funds into my business account.

But I have started a Frugalista 2.0 account, and have saved $382.26 so far.

On a side note, I am coping with my high libido and lack of outlet. I have gone off IdealistGuy. He's incredibly nice, but I could see him easily driving me crazy. He's so passionate about his cause. I find that very attractive. But I also find that he is blinkered. He also presents opinions as facts. Don't get me wrong, I really like him, but the lust has worn off.

As for HomeTownGuy, well he will always be a part of my past. Just like SSgt Blue Eyes. But I have found a technique that works when I find myself fixating on him. I think of it as an attack from an external source (even though it probably is internal). I use a visualisation technique that blocks me from thinking of him. It works. Every once and awhile, I indulge myself and let myself think about him, but not very often.

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Little Crushes We Get

So, since I am not allowing myself to fixate on SSgt Blue Eyes, my mind wanders and gets a little crush on one of the guys in my self-employment class. He's intelligent, a social activist, and I think he has a girlfriend. I'll call him IdealistGuy.

Even if he didn't have a girlfriend he would be the wrong guy for me. Better than SSgt Blue Eyes, but still not a good fit.

Then there's HomeTownGuy. This is a man I've had a crush on since high school. Whom I don't think about until I'm in a 1 km radius of him. He never crosses my mind unless I'm visiting or living in MediumSizedTown. He's a hockey player, he was popular, and he tends to date women at least 10 years younger than he.

I'm convinced that we've always had a mutual attraction for each other. But maybe I'm wrong. I think that he has always been under the impression that I wanted to 'date' him. Which I haven't. We have nothing in common. I am physically attracted to him and all I wanted was to have a fling with him to get him out of my system. But I've never had the balls to tell him that.

The thing with HomeTownGuy is that he lacks character, and that has become more and more apparent to me as the years have past. I think he is the type of guy that can never go against the grain. And I can't respect that. So my attraction to him has diminished cerebrally, and as I'm a woman, that has made an impact on my lust for him. The lust is not totally gone, but mostly. There's some lust memory left. Years and years of attraction doesn't disappear overnight. Unfortunately.

So, at the moment, it's safe to fantasize about IdealistGuy.

What I do wonder about myself is why I need to focus on a man at all. I have agreed to be celibate for the next little while. Which hasn't been hard. I have not been with anyone in that way since October of 2008. So it shouldn't be that hard to continue. I may even forget what it's like.

Why do I focus on men? I don't know. I should be perfectly happy on my own. And most of the time, I am . Except when I'm not....

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I'm in Debt to my Belly Belly

Went to Weight Watcher's tonight, lost some more weight. But I'm in debt to my belly at the moment. I owe it money. So far, I should have $267 saved in my Belly Belly Belize account. I put the $160 in. I just got a commuting cheque today for $90. So if I put that in I only owe it $17 and I'll be all paid up.

That's not too bad...

I also did an account today of how much money I have spent on my clinic so far. Not including rent, which I will track down the landlord tommorrow (he's elusive, you think that he'd want to get paid!), nor including the sign I'm having made; I am -$1,321.48 in the red so far.

Adding onto that the rent, damage deposit, and sign, and the grand total so far will soon be $2102.88. Sigh. At least I have all of my equipment!

And for starting up a business, that's not too bad. Just being a Frugalista is not possible right now. I miss my Frugalista bank account. Once the business is up and running, I'll have the two accounts to build up (Belly Belly Belize and the Frugalista account). I look forward to prosperity again! 

Monday, July 5, 2010

Belly Belly Belize Account

Well, karmically life is interesting. I just stated that I needed $225 to pay for the weight I've lost so far.

I cancelled my tenant's insurance when I moved out of my place in Medicine Hat. I just got a refund cheque for $160! That only leaves $65 to scrounge up. Well that and the additional amount I will owe when I weigh in this week. But I'm on my way - the Belly Belly Belize account has its first deposit!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Carrot and Stick; Hopefully not all Carrot Sticks

I have been planning/fantasising about my first trip to Belize. Since I'm starting up my own business, it will have to be on a budget. And it's got to be a reward for something. So I had a lightbulb moment (it wasn't original enough to call it an epiphany, even though my first instinct was to do just that) - I'm losing weight. I guesstimate that my first goal should be arrived at by early March.

So, the best thing is to put a mandatory amount away for each and every pound lost. I've figured it out, and I retroactively owe this pot $225. So, I will have to scrape that bit of money together as well as paying off my next amount, when I weigh in on Wednesday.

When I reach my goal in March, I should owe the pot about $1290, which should pay for my travel but not my accommodation. If I am earning a good living by March, I can afford it then. But if not, I'll have to wait until I get to my next goal.

My additional plan is to earn as many Air Miles as possible. So far, I've earned 1,111. In low season, I need 4820 to fly to Cancun. So a long way to go, but I'm trying to maximize them. I've downloaded a toolbar that can earn yourself an extra 30 points per month.

I am planning on retiring in Hopkins. So I will be staying there for most of the time. But I am also planning on going scuba diving at Glover's Atoll, just because it looks like heaven on earth.

I am a skilled swimmer, but I have never gotten my scuba qualification. That is one of my tasks to achieve this winter.

Now I just have to come up with $225..... :)

Baby steps, that's the way to make big life changes.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Weight, Writers and New Kindred Spirits

I joined the Lethbridge Writer's Group and I have met quite a few interesting people. There is a fiction sub-group which I attend approximately every two weeks, and the fiction writers are even more engaging. It's really nice to meet people that you feel like you're going to be friends with.

I really shouldn't be surprised. When I was living in Manchester, almost all of my closest friends I met through my writing group there, the Monday Night Group. The friends that I still am in contact with are almost all exclusively from that group.

So it's exciting to meet up with kindred spirits again, as Ann Shirley would say.

As for the bulging belly, it's still bulging, but it's three pounds lighter than it was last week :)