Prolific I am NOT, Belly Belly Belize Account Bursting and MEN

Prolific I am NOT
Well, I tried to have some goals about writing, but unfortunately I am not abiding by my rules. Part of the problem is that I am busy setting up the business and going to the Self-Employment course. The other part of the problem is the glowy box in the corner.

I am busy, but when I get home to my parent's house I watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune with my parents. I only watch it here. I have NEVER watched it on my own. But it is fun watching it with Mom and Dad. And then you get sucked in. Staying on the couch is much more appealing after sitting there for awhile...

Belly Belly Belize Account Bursting
I have mentioned before that I have a lot of weight to lose. Well, the Belly Belly Belize account is now a respectable $411. I hope I can keep affording to pay myself. Otherwise, that's another debt I'm incurring.

As for the Frugalista account, well, it's almost all gone. Sigh. But the Frugalista 2.0 account is getting healthy. So far I have saved $717.26. Hopefully I won't have to dip into that at all. But when starting up a business, who knows?

MEN
My little crush on IdealistGuy is over with. Thankfully. He's nice but I don't think I could live up to his standards. He expects a lot of people. And that's great, but it also darkens the rose-coloured glasses into a burgundy. So no more crush.

As for HomeTownGuy, well I am a walking, driving and sometimes sitting contradiction. I think about him, but I don't want to think about him. Well, until I indulge myself and let myself think about him.

I saw him working (he's a labourer outside and works for MediumSizedTown) yesterday morning. My heart sped up in anticipation as I knew I had to drive by him. But I pretended not to see him. Sophmoric? Well, yes, but it was also a measure of self-protection.

You see, if I let myself watch him, one of two things would have happenned. 1) I would have waited for him to see me, and if he didn't I would have been disappointed. 2) Same scenario as number 1, but he would have seen me and waved. Then I would be hooped. Getting him out of my head after that would require a lobotomy.

I have an obsessive nature. Not in a bunny-boiler/Glen Close/Fatal Attraction sort of way, but dangerous to myself. I fixate. My brain cycles, it's sort of like a CD on repeat play. And it's strange.

Like I said, when I'm not in MediumSizedTown, I don't think of him at all. It's like his brain waves activate mine. I KNOW that doesn't actually happen, but there's something in my makeup that makes my thought patterns work this way.

The answer to all this? Well, I am against getting a lobotomy. So I just have to stop indulging myself.

The strange thing is, I don't even really don't like him anymore. Not in that way. He's just a habit. Well I kicked smoking about 5 years ago, so I can kick him (but not to the kerb, that's just cruel :)).

I think celibacy is rotting my brain.....

The Little Crushes We Get

So, since I am not allowing myself to fixate on SSgt Blue Eyes, my mind wanders and gets a little crush on one of the guys in my self-employment class. He's intelligent, a social activist, and I think he has a girlfriend. I'll call him IdealistGuy.

Even if he didn't have a girlfriend he would be the wrong guy for me. Better than SSgt Blue Eyes, but still not a good fit.

Then there's HomeTownGuy. This is a man I've had a crush on since high school. Whom I don't think about until I'm in a 1 km radius of him. He never crosses my mind unless I'm visiting or living in MediumSizedTown. He's a hockey player, he was popular, and he tends to date women at least 10 years younger than he.

I'm convinced that we've always had a mutual attraction for each other. But maybe I'm wrong. I think that he has always been under the impression that I wanted to 'date' him. Which I haven't. We have nothing in common. I am physically attracted to him and all I wanted was to have a fling with him to get him out of my system. But I've never had the balls to tell him that.

The thing with HomeTownGuy is that he lacks character, and that has become more and more apparent to me as the years have past. I think he is the type of guy that can never go against the grain. And I can't respect that. So my attraction to him has diminished cerebrally, and as I'm a woman, that has made an impact on my lust for him. The lust is not totally gone, but mostly. There's some lust memory left. Years and years of attraction doesn't disappear overnight. Unfortunately.

So, at the moment, it's safe to fantasize about IdealistGuy.

What I do wonder about myself is why I need to focus on a man at all. I have agreed to be celibate for the next little while. Which hasn't been hard. I have not been with anyone in that way since October of 2008. So it shouldn't be that hard to continue. I may even forget what it's like.

Why do I focus on men? I don't know. I should be perfectly happy on my own. And most of the time, I am . Except when I'm not....

Sucked in by SSgt Blue Eyes Again, Belly, Massage Galore and a Wonderful Group of Writers

Things are really going swimmingly at the moment. I have found a premises for a reasonable rent. I am starting my self-employment course on Monday which runs for three days a week for eight weeks. But the greatest thing is that I can continue to collect unemployment for the remainder of my claim while I am setting up my business.

So I am moving all of my equipment in on the 2nd of July. And should be open for business soon after that!

Another bit of good news. I finally, after 8 weeks of waiting, will finally get my first unemployment cheque on Monday. Unfortunately there are so many deductions taken out of it that it only amounts to just over $400, but at least I can start replenishing my savings.

As for Belly Belly, I went to Weight Watchers this week and am down 4.4 pounds. It's going to be a long haul, but I've lost almost 8 pounds so far - that's a good start at least.

I also am going to the gym three days a week, and it feels good to to aerobic and weight training again!

I formerly stated that I joined a writer's group in Lethbridge. Last Tuesday I went to the Fiction Writer's Sub-Group and it was bloody fantastic. All writers are looking to be published and dedicated to writing. They will be so good for feedback and accountability!

As for SSgt Blue Eyes, I am such a numpty when it comes to him. I started talking to him online again. And after about a week of messages and online chats, he disappears offline. Again. Repeating history. So he's either playing mind games, is with someone else, or has a wife that I don't know about. I ALWAYS promise myself not to get sucked in again by him, and he always does.

So hopefully I will find myself a living, breathing distraction by the end of the summer, after I lose a bit more weight :) I don't think that I want a long term relationship again. Hmm, well if I do, it will have to be a flexible relationship. And someone who would not be adverse to moving down to Belize. That's a tall order! Possible, but very improbable.

Philosophy 0.101

I'm getting ready to move to MediumSizedTown. I am/was really looking forward to it. But the reality has also set in and I'm getting scared.
I am leaving another chunk of my life behind and starting all over again. Which is scary, but it also makes me question whether it is the right choice. I hope it is.
It will be nice to only work one job. For the past 7 years I have been doing more than one thing. Going to college whilst having a job, holding 2-3 jobs down at the same time, etc. I'm pooped.
They say that 40 is the new 20. I'm just looking forward to not feeling my age and having a normal schedule.
But, I am moving to a smaller centre. Admittedly, it is a short drive to two cities. So it's not as if I'll be bereft of all things urban.
But living in a town changes things. You do have to watch what you say. Because if you piss off the wrong person, there goes your reputation and your business. Oh well, I think (or hope) I can handle that. I grew up in a town, so at least I have experience.
Also, this is a way that I can find time to write, finally, so I can make the biggest move in a few years - Belize!
_________________
Change of subject. I was wondering why I have been so obsessed with SSgt Blue Eyes. Up until recently, I had him firmly put in the 'dead file' folder in my brain. But I think with everything changing, that maybe I wanted 'closure' (isn't that a catch all word that means nothing and everything?).
Or maybe I just wanted to remember what it felt like to have that lust, that blush of feelings that make you feel all adolescent.
But I think that I have moved on now, or at least am almost there.
I have three more weeks here. Let's hope I make the best of them.

Frugalista Count-up 11! And may be the Start of the Dwindle Down, too!

I got my tax return the other day, adding $2,048 to the bank account making the total $4.394.37!

But the contract to my job ended on Monday and I have a little more pay coming my way. After that, I'm moving back to MediumSizedTown and waiting for EI to kick in. I'll be living in MediumSizedTown before the end of May.

I'm planning on opening up a Massage Clinic in MediumSizedTown. There is a small business course you can take whilst on EI (Employment Insurance). I have an appointment to meet with the coordinator of the course in Lethbridge on Tuesday. Lethbridge is near MediumSizedTown. So I hope that they will let me on the course. It is three days a week for eight weeks and the next course starts at the end of June.

As for my bar job, that has slowed down because the battlegroup has gone on the field for three weeks so instead of there being 2000 soldiers on camp there are only 70. We usually have three bars open (Junior Ranks Club, Sergeant's Mess, and the Officer's Mess). Now we turn the JRC (Junior Ranks Club) into an all ranks bar for the next three weeks.

Update about SSgt Blue Eyes. I don't think he is here. He may be due to come later this year but I won't be here. Which is good news.

Good news, yes. But  alas, I am female and my logic gene is not always intact when it comes to men. The logic part of me didn't want to see him, but it doesn't stop me from being disappointed in not seeing him. Got to love that internal dialogue! My best analogy for it is that I'm on a diet and he is chocolate. I miss the chocolate but know it isn't good for me.

Anyway, so starting a new life at 40. This should give me more time for the Belly and the Book, though. Working three jobs trying to make ends meet makes it harder to eat healthily, exercise and find time for writing much.

This moving and starting a new life will make the next moving and starting a new life in a few years easier, this is like a trial run, except without the great culture and weather!

False Sense or Not, I'm Feeling More Secure...

Well, I haven't seen SSgt Blue Eyes yet. My initial plan was to avoid him at all costs. I haven't seen him, but I haven't been in a position to avoid him if if he is here.
Let me clarify. One of my jobs is working in the bars on the Crowfoot side of BATUS (British Army Training Unit Suffield). The Crowfoot side is where the battlegroup are housed. On this side of camp there are three bars. The JRC (Junior Ranks Club), the WO2 and Sgt's Mess, and the Officer's Mess.
So your rank determines which bar you go to. Usually.
At the beginning of battlegroups, when the full battlegroup is not yet in, sometimes they make the JRC an 'All Ranks' mess. And everyone drinks together.
I was planning on working in the Officer's Mess, but since there isn't one open yet, I have worked in the JRC.
But I haven't seen him yet, and am happy. Relieved. Ecstatic. Perhaps he's one of the few not deployed. Maybe he's avoiding me. Ah well, who knows? All I know is I haven't seen him and I'm not jumping every time a new person walks in the bar.
So false sense of security or not, I'm feeling more secure. Whew!

Turn that Impatient Frown Upside Down, and then Upside Down Again

I have a 35-40 minute drive on the Number 1 Highway (also known as the TransCan) every morning to work. This morning I was stuck behind a large modular home that was travelling at a snail's pace. I started getting aggravated. But then, I imagined how I would feel if I were driving behind my new Mennonite home being transported.

I immediately calmed down and started enjoying the drive. Someday, it will be my home holding up traffic.

On the flip side, the first flight of the battlegroup came in last night. There will be another flight of them tommorrow, and then the next day, and so on until the full battlegroup is in. So SSgt Blue Eyes could be in a briefing at this very moment. Apparently they get some quite vivid images of the types of STD's they can catch if they associate with the 'looser' girls, aka Bin Bunnies. Yikes (that's yikes to SSgt Blue Eyes, I'm safe from the STD's :)).

Aside: Why Bin Bunnies? Well, for years there was one main bar for the soldiers to go to. It was in a hotel called the Assinoboia Inn. It then got the nickname Sin Bin. Women who are always sleeping with soldiers hung out at the Bin all the time and were called Bin Bunnies. The Sin Bin got shut down about 4 years ago (after being the bar of choice for over 20 years). So the name Bin Bunny sticks.

Frugalista May Have to Have a Dwindle Down :(

 I am very proud of how much money that I've saved in just over nine weeks. But I have mentioned that I am probably moving to MediumSizedTown after my job at the base is over. My job here is (hopefully) over in four weeks.

Edit: Nope, looked through previous blogs and it doesn't look like I've mentioned it. Well, I work at the base and I'm covering someone's maternity leave. I hate the job, but it's a living wage. No other jobs have come up as there is a federal hiring freeze. I have decided that I will open up a Massage Therapy Clinic in a less saturated environment. The environment is, as previously mentioned, MediumSizedTown.

I would probably move about three weeks later. I can't give notice on my place until I know for sure that the girl that is maternity leave is returning. Since she only has to give two weeks notice, I won't know for sure until after the first week in April.

So since I will not be able to get out of my house until the end of May, I will apply for EI (employment insurance) and make sure that I get all of my damage deposit. I will work at the bar on the base until mid-May.

As an aside, I probably won't be needed after the end of April. The first battlegroup will be going on the field for three weeks on May 1st. They leave a skeleton staff behind, and we will only need one of the three bars there open during this time. That's usually the way it goes, with only a few exceptions over the years.

So hopefully I can dodge SSgt Blue Eyes until the end of April.

But I veered off subject there. All I was going to mention before my libido memory kicked in again was that being unemployed and moving will probably at least halve my savings.

And setting up a new massage therapy clinic will do the same.

But I will build it up again. Faster.

I'll be living with my parents for the first year and they will only take minimal rent off me. I will have EI until I start making more than my EI. So I will be able to save money soon enough. Stronger. Faster. (Cue Bionic Woman or should that be Frugalista Bionic Woman).

Weighing Down on My Psyche (or is that Psycho?)

Well, I haven't really committed to the weight loss thing as much as I should have. I haven't lost any weight really. Well a negligible amount.


A new motivator is on the horizon. In the years that I have tended bar out at the base, I have met several men. Liked a few. Really liked very few. Falling for a British Soldier is as sensible as thinking that cotton candy is a great diet food. But there are some that stick with you. The ones that have taken up a part of your memory and have a rusty old hook in you. One such person may be coming back for the first battlegroup of the season. Battlegroups are regiments of the British Army that go on army exercises, including live firing on a piece of prairie the size of Wales.

But I digress. He may be coming back. His regiment is. I was in contact with him, albeit sporadically for the past 2 years. Up until about 6 months ago when I realised that he wasn't good for me. He was my cotton candy. He was cute and sweet with amazing blue eyes. But he hid behind amazing lies. I knew he was lying when he did it, but I still was drawn to him.

I met him first 6 years ago. And every two years, his regiment comes back. Sigh.

All I've ever done is kiss him. A two and half hour snogging sesh last time he was here.

He has that rusting hook in my psyche.

In four to six weeks he’ll be here (if he’s with the battlegroup this year, there’s a small chance he isn’t - I am so hoping he isn't-well most of me is hoping he isn't). So I better get my arse moving so I can at least look good.

Still staying celibate though. Just want to look tasty. Just in case I have a tiny little hook into his psyche. I doubt it, but there’s always a chance huh?

What is it With the Un-Fairer Sex?

If we're the fair sex, men are the un-fairer sex. Don't misunderstand, for the mostpart I love men; I even understand them up to a point. What I don't get is why-oh-why-oh-why does it never fail that once you stop looking, you become amazingly attractive??
Up until I decided to move to Belize, I was open to seeing men and dating them. Now I'm not. I've got a mission and priorities and men are not in that equation. I know I'd end up meeting one and losing sight of what I want. I've done that before. And that's not their fault, it's mine.
I haven't had a man sniffing after me for over a year. Now there's two. Sod's Law, isn't it? Or maybe it's just spring fever....Or my now curly hair....

Happy Valentine's Day - I Commit to My Goals

Since deciding to move to Belize in 3-5 years I have had to sacrifice a few things. I don't really spend any money on entertainment, and I'm changing a few things personally. I have given myself a few guidelines for this year:
*I have to get some weight off. I have to get down 3 sizes this year.
*I have to get my first erotic novel done by the end of June this year.
*I have to save as much money as possible.
*I am putting an embargo on men for at least a year.

So this is my Valentine's Day present to myself. I don't want any relationships to get in the way of my goals. So no flirtations, relationships, or anything in-between for at least a year.
Realistically a relationship will way-lay me. So I don't think that I will get involved with anyone before Belize (so for 3-5 years). But for now I am committing to celibacy for a year. I have not had a serious relationship since moving back from the U.K.. So making this commitment do myself is just a way to uncomplicate my life. I feel a sense of freedom in doing this!
Happy Valentine's Day!!