The Little Crushes We Get

So, since I am not allowing myself to fixate on SSgt Blue Eyes, my mind wanders and gets a little crush on one of the guys in my self-employment class. He's intelligent, a social activist, and I think he has a girlfriend. I'll call him IdealistGuy.

Even if he didn't have a girlfriend he would be the wrong guy for me. Better than SSgt Blue Eyes, but still not a good fit.

Then there's HomeTownGuy. This is a man I've had a crush on since high school. Whom I don't think about until I'm in a 1 km radius of him. He never crosses my mind unless I'm visiting or living in MediumSizedTown. He's a hockey player, he was popular, and he tends to date women at least 10 years younger than he.

I'm convinced that we've always had a mutual attraction for each other. But maybe I'm wrong. I think that he has always been under the impression that I wanted to 'date' him. Which I haven't. We have nothing in common. I am physically attracted to him and all I wanted was to have a fling with him to get him out of my system. But I've never had the balls to tell him that.

The thing with HomeTownGuy is that he lacks character, and that has become more and more apparent to me as the years have past. I think he is the type of guy that can never go against the grain. And I can't respect that. So my attraction to him has diminished cerebrally, and as I'm a woman, that has made an impact on my lust for him. The lust is not totally gone, but mostly. There's some lust memory left. Years and years of attraction doesn't disappear overnight. Unfortunately.

So, at the moment, it's safe to fantasize about IdealistGuy.

What I do wonder about myself is why I need to focus on a man at all. I have agreed to be celibate for the next little while. Which hasn't been hard. I have not been with anyone in that way since October of 2008. So it shouldn't be that hard to continue. I may even forget what it's like.

Why do I focus on men? I don't know. I should be perfectly happy on my own. And most of the time, I am . Except when I'm not....

I'm in Debt to my Belly Belly

Went to Weight Watcher's tonight, lost some more weight. But I'm in debt to my belly at the moment. I owe it money. So far, I should have $267 saved in my Belly Belly Belize account. I put the $160 in. I just got a commuting cheque today for $90. So if I put that in I only owe it $17 and I'll be all paid up.

That's not too bad...

I also did an account today of how much money I have spent on my clinic so far. Not including rent, which I will track down the landlord tommorrow (he's elusive, you think that he'd want to get paid!), nor including the sign I'm having made; I am -$1,321.48 in the red so far.

Adding onto that the rent, damage deposit, and sign, and the grand total so far will soon be $2102.88. Sigh. At least I have all of my equipment!

And for starting up a business, that's not too bad. Just being a Frugalista is not possible right now. I miss my Frugalista bank account. Once the business is up and running, I'll have the two accounts to build up (Belly Belly Belize and the Frugalista account). I look forward to prosperity again! 

Belly Belly Belize Account

Well, karmically life is interesting. I just stated that I needed $225 to pay for the weight I've lost so far.

I cancelled my tenant's insurance when I moved out of my place in Medicine Hat. I just got a refund cheque for $160! That only leaves $65 to scrounge up. Well that and the additional amount I will owe when I weigh in this week. But I'm on my way - the Belly Belly Belize account has its first deposit!

Carrot and Stick; Hopefully not all Carrot Sticks

I have been planning/fantasising about my first trip to Belize. Since I'm starting up my own business, it will have to be on a budget. And it's got to be a reward for something. So I had a lightbulb moment (it wasn't original enough to call it an epiphany, even though my first instinct was to do just that) - I'm losing weight. I guesstimate that my first goal should be arrived at by early March.

So, the best thing is to put a mandatory amount away for each and every pound lost. I've figured it out, and I retroactively owe this pot $225. So, I will have to scrape that bit of money together as well as paying off my next amount, when I weigh in on Wednesday.

When I reach my goal in March, I should owe the pot about $1290, which should pay for my travel but not my accommodation. If I am earning a good living by March, I can afford it then. But if not, I'll have to wait until I get to my next goal.

My additional plan is to earn as many Air Miles as possible. So far, I've earned 1,111. In low season, I need 4820 to fly to Cancun. So a long way to go, but I'm trying to maximize them. I've downloaded a toolbar that can earn yourself an extra 30 points per month.

I am planning on retiring in Hopkins. So I will be staying there for most of the time. But I am also planning on going scuba diving at Glover's Atoll, just because it looks like heaven on earth.

I am a skilled swimmer, but I have never gotten my scuba qualification. That is one of my tasks to achieve this winter.

Now I just have to come up with $225..... :)

Baby steps, that's the way to make big life changes.

Weight, Writers and New Kindred Spirits

I joined the Lethbridge Writer's Group and I have met quite a few interesting people. There is a fiction sub-group which I attend approximately every two weeks, and the fiction writers are even more engaging. It's really nice to meet people that you feel like you're going to be friends with.

I really shouldn't be surprised. When I was living in Manchester, almost all of my closest friends I met through my writing group there, the Monday Night Group. The friends that I still am in contact with are almost all exclusively from that group.

So it's exciting to meet up with kindred spirits again, as Ann Shirley would say.

As for the bulging belly, it's still bulging, but it's three pounds lighter than it was last week :)

Weight Watchers and the CaRWA; Frugalista on Pause

Well, it's been three weeks and I've lost about 12 lbs. It's a drop in the ocean as I have a lot to lose. But it's a start. And this time I'm much calmer about the road ahead. It is a life change this time, not a diet.

The only irritation is the Weight Watchers leader, who is one of those people that call you 'dear' in a quite condescending way. And her meetings are boring. I usually try to stay for the meetings. Her's are dull and she doesn't really work on highlighting the achievements of her group of people.

Oh well, there are worse things!

I have been going to the gym three times a week for the past three weeks and I am starting to improve my fitness. The lady who owns the gym is willing to trade massages for training sessions. So once I am up and running, I will get my arse kicked by a trainer. Yay!

On Thursday night I drove up to Calgary to go to the Calgary Romance Writer's of America meeting (CaRWA). Don't let the 'Romance' fool you. These are a bunch of serious ladies, and a couple of men, determined to be published or are published. It is a great group to join as there are a lot of networking opportunities. In October, you get to pitch to a real agent and talk to an editor.

Lastly, I am not posting Frugalista stuff for a bit now, as I am spending some money and getting EI. My account is fluctuating a lot and will be for the next few months. Hopefully, I will be able to start saving again soon!

Life in MediumSizedTown is good, so far. The massage clinic opens in the middle of July and I am happier than I have been for a long time.

I have given myself permission to give up on SSgt Blue Eyes. I know he is a player, but until I've got someone tangible in front of me, I know he'll be in the back of my mind. I have an obsessive nature that way. And since it is unlikely I will meet anyone in the near future, I will probably still think of him from time to time. Unfortunately.

Sucked in by SSgt Blue Eyes Again, Belly, Massage Galore and a Wonderful Group of Writers

Things are really going swimmingly at the moment. I have found a premises for a reasonable rent. I am starting my self-employment course on Monday which runs for three days a week for eight weeks. But the greatest thing is that I can continue to collect unemployment for the remainder of my claim while I am setting up my business.

So I am moving all of my equipment in on the 2nd of July. And should be open for business soon after that!

Another bit of good news. I finally, after 8 weeks of waiting, will finally get my first unemployment cheque on Monday. Unfortunately there are so many deductions taken out of it that it only amounts to just over $400, but at least I can start replenishing my savings.

As for Belly Belly, I went to Weight Watchers this week and am down 4.4 pounds. It's going to be a long haul, but I've lost almost 8 pounds so far - that's a good start at least.

I also am going to the gym three days a week, and it feels good to to aerobic and weight training again!

I formerly stated that I joined a writer's group in Lethbridge. Last Tuesday I went to the Fiction Writer's Sub-Group and it was bloody fantastic. All writers are looking to be published and dedicated to writing. They will be so good for feedback and accountability!

As for SSgt Blue Eyes, I am such a numpty when it comes to him. I started talking to him online again. And after about a week of messages and online chats, he disappears offline. Again. Repeating history. So he's either playing mind games, is with someone else, or has a wife that I don't know about. I ALWAYS promise myself not to get sucked in again by him, and he always does.

So hopefully I will find myself a living, breathing distraction by the end of the summer, after I lose a bit more weight :) I don't think that I want a long term relationship again. Hmm, well if I do, it will have to be a flexible relationship. And someone who would not be adverse to moving down to Belize. That's a tall order! Possible, but very improbable.